Bedtime sucks. Seriously. I like the idea of bedtime–a relaxed routine of baths, pajamas and stories. It sounds delightful. Except that it’s not. Putting my toddler to sleep is far from delightful, in fact it’s become a full fledged battle. And I’ll give you one guess who is winning…
My strong-willed child begs for another story, only one more kiss, and he desperately needs just one more cuddle. Anything to buy a few extra minutes. Last night he actually begged to brush his teeth again as my husband was hauling him down the hallway for the twentieth time.
“But Baba, my teeth are soooooo yellow! I better brush them again to get the yellow off.”
Yes. At 2.5 years old, our son is using his dental hygiene (or lack thereof?!?) to emotionally blackmail us.
My husband and I are constantly exhausted and beginning to take it out on one another. Piyush blames me for our nighttime struggles. He argues that I must not give Arjun enough outside time during the day–if I had, he wouldn’t be so energetic.
I blame him. I tell him that he is being too soft with Arjun. He gives in to his temper tantrums too easily and too quickly.
Truthfully, we’re both the problem and our toddler knows it. Not only does he know it, but he wholeheartedly exploits our weaknesses. Bedtime is a major battle and our toddler, no doubt, is the victor.
Once the new baby joined our family, the bedtime battle intensified. Arjun has struggled to accept that the baby requires so much of my attention. So like any toddler, he’s determined to control every little thing that he can. Naturally, that includes his sleep.
First he refused to give up his crib. Then he started waking up wet EVERY morning (that’s a whole different subject). Next he wouldn’t sleep unless certain sheets were on the mattress and his pillows were arranged in a way that only he can possibly comprehend. Some nights just getting him to stay in his bed would take 2 or more hours.
It was ridiculous.
Last week one of my friends invited me to attend a parenting seminar at the library. Since I was feeling pretty desperate, I went. I’m so glad I did. Not only did I learn a few techniques but I also realized that I’m not alone.
The toddler years are tough, and the struggle is real–whether other moms admit it publicly or not.
I am–and always have been–open to all sorts of parenting techniques and I know that what works for one kid may not work for another. I also believe that the only way to change my son’s behavior is to change my own. I’m a work in progress. I’m trying, but it’s not easy.
It breaks my heart–listening to him whine and cry for me to hold him, read him more stories, cover him. I fight to hold back my own tears as I pull the blankets over him for what feels like the hundredth time. Then it becomes laughable–he begs me to cover his stuffed animals, tuck his books in, bring him another one of Rohan’s blankets (he’s now stole all but one). Meanwhile, the baby screams for me to feed him. Piyush is helpless. Rohan won’t take a bottle…
So what have I done to try and lessen the stress at bedtime?
Our new method is a bit difficult, requires patience and is emotionally draining but Arjun needs his sleep. He’s growing and expending so much energy. His body needs the time to recharge. And so does mine. I have a new baby. I’m already overtired…
First, Piyush and I had to get on the same page regarding how we’d react to Arjun’s bedtime antics. There’s no way we can expect him to behave in a certain manner if he’s getting mixed messages about what we want. Bedtime means bedtime.
Second, we quit responding to his behaviors. This doesn’t mean we ignore him. The first two times Arjun refuses to stay in bed we humor him. We take him back to his bed and explain to him that now is the time for sleep. We tuck him in and tell him that if he really needs anything else now is the time to tell us. We cover his stuffed animals and tuck in his books, if that’s what he wants.
The third time he gets out of bed and comes outside his room we calmly pick him up and place him in his bed. Without saying a word, we cover him.
He begs us to talk.
We don’t, except to say, “I love you” as we close the door.
Finally, we’ve been consistent. If we don’t hold strong with the way we respond to his bad bedtime behavior, he won’t think we’re serious. If we aren’t serious about bedtime, why should he be?
It’s only been a week so I can’t really tell if our bedtime woes are coming to an end, but tonight he only came out of his room three times. Three times. That’s like 85% less times than the night before!
We got this…
Oh the battle of the bedtime. When our little man was about that age we had similar challenges. I am so glad that you are now working as a team to set the routine and way that you will handle it. This will keep your relationship strong and will show that he can play one of your against the other.
Keep up the good work, eventually this stage does pass:)
love your blog you are saying all the true things every mother has struggled with or is struggling with you are doing just fine in parenting your children don’t ever forget that and continue writing