When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, my husband and I decided that once the baby arrived I’d give up my job and stay home with the kids.
It’s a practical decision, and we’re practical people.
Daycare is expensive and currently, in Rochester, infant care is nearly impossible to find. It’s ridiculous, really.
When people would ask me about my plans after baby came and I mentioned I’d be staying home with the kids, nearly everyone told me how “lucky” I was. I’d hear it over and over again. I even started to look forward to staying home.
I know I’m lucky to be with my children daily–see them grow and learn; be there when they hit all their milestones and kiss every “owwee.” So why do I feel so reluctant to stay home with my kids full-time?
I was never really one of those women who always dreamed of being a mom since she was a little girl. Sure, I assumed that someday I’d have kids and I even had some preconceived notions of what parenthood would look like.
But it wasn’t necessarily something I longed for all my life. If that makes sense? Being a full-time stay-at-home parent was never in my plans.
But as any parent knows, once the kids are born, plans mostly go out the window.
Since Rohan’s birth 1o weeks ago I’ve witnessed my older son, Arjun, go through some pretty tough transitions. He’s had about 997,428 tantrums (not that I’m keeping count) and has told me time after time that he wants a new mom.
H E A R T B R E A K I N G.
But if I’m being honest, I’ve also had about 977,428 tantrums (not that he’s keeping count, either) and probably haven’t shown him the amount of patience a 2.5 year old with a new sibling requires. I try my best, but it just never feels like enough. I don’t have enough arms or enough energy.
Since the addition of our second child I’ve struggled to find balance. We’re getting there, but staying home hasn’t been as easy or as wonderful as everyone talked it up to be. There’s been countless times I’ve considered throwing in the towel, calling my boss and begging for her to give me my job back.
But I know I’d regret it.
As reluctant as I am for my job title to officially become “Stay-At-Home-Mom,”–technically I’m still on maternity leave until later this month–I know it’s the best thing for my family.
Like any new endeavor, adjusting will take a bit of time. Eventually I’ll find my rhythm and my kids will find theirs. We’ll figure this out together and hopefully have a stronger relationship because of it.
But until that time comes, I’m sure glad there’s coffee. Lots of coffee. I don’t know how I’d survive without it…
well written ;enjoyed reading it!
Thank you, Wanda! I’m glad you enjoyed reading the post. I feel a bit guilty for feeling the way I do but it’s the truth at this point…
hi so glad you are doing a blog again love that you are honest and up front about your feelings and struggles because they are real just go forward Phyllis
Thank you, Phyllis! It really has been a hard transition for all of us and it feels so lonely because no one ever mentioned I’d feel this way–or that they feel this way either. It felt like there was something wrong with me…like I was being selfish.
You’ve got this girl…..love to all of you…
We’re doing our best! We miss you! <3 My mom was over last night and Arjun tried to convince her to take him on a walk to see you. She was like, "but I don't even know Brenda!" lol
Love this! I have a 6 month old and a 20 month old! I have been thinking about going home and doing daycare instead but I am so undecided! Daycare is expensive and we are living tightly! Also I miss my boys all day long but at the same time I look forward to getting a break and working.. I feel guilty all the time!
So much guilt! I hate that I’m not financially contributing to our household anymore. I feel both guilty and frustrated about that. I’ve thought about doing daycare but honestly I don’t think I’d be good at it I also really like to get out of the house during the day and take my older son on little adventures–we wouldn’t be able to do that if I did daycare…I think I’d feel stuck.
I think more moms struggle with this topic than they’d like to admit. Good for you for being honest and open. It’s all about being transparent to get the support and community you need to get through it! I am a work at home mom and some days I want to run to the nearest office building and beg for a job. Other days, I wish I could just blow off work and play legos. You will find a balance, but it takes time. I’m still working on it too! Xoxo
Thank you for the comment! I agree that more moms struggle with this than admit. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way. I’ve been trying to get out a bit and meet some other moms–I’m just really not looking forward to the winter. I feel like I’m going to start to feel comfortable and get a routine, then the blizzards will start. LOL
These are my thoughts EXACTLY! My oldest is 2 and my youngest is 4 months. Believe it or not, it does get just a little easier every month. We’re down to 900,000 tantrums 😉
I’m glad to hear that! Even one less tantrum is progress! 😀
Wow, I can totally relate! Baby number 3 is on the way and I’m still trying to find balance in our lives. Each day is hard as a stay at home mom but so rewarding. Thanks for being so honest!
Congratulations on baby 3! My little one *knock on wood* is such a good baby…I already feel like we should have another. Then I think about how crazy the past few months are and wonder what the heck I’m thinking. I blame the hormones. LOL
I can totally relate to those feelings! When I first started staying home I was so overwhelmed, I’d wondered what I’d gotten myself into. But it definitely got better after I had a while to adjust. One thing I really found that helped is doing something for myself, like Book Club, joining a moms group, or writing a blog. Good luck!
Hello Lisa! It really is overwhelming! I know it’ll balance out though–I’ve already seen a bit of progress. I’ve also been doing a few things for myself, I feel like I have to. Else I just feel so burned out. Now, if my little one would only take the bottle so I could get a REAL break…
Love your post and can totally relate. My three year old has turned into a whiny, angry, crying terror since his brother was born nine months ago. I was very overwhelmed with the two, so much easier with one, have no idea how people with seven do it. But feeling a bit more balanced, you got this girl!
You go mama! Your kiddos have no idea just how much they will appreciate that you were there for it all. (That’s coming from a mom who never had that growing up and longed for it.) Staying home definitely has its ups and downs, I mean, we like NEVER leave our ‘jobs’ 😂 But I think when we are old and grey we will be thankful for these memories. Thoroughly enjoyed your honesty and transparency. Keep up the great work- in blogging and in mommying!
I have been a stay at home mom for 11 years. When I decided I was ready to go back to work I found out I had Parkinson’s. You will look back and be so happy you had that time with your growing beautiful babies. If you ever need a listening ear you are welcome to message me. You got this
Thank you, Bernice. I hope you are doing well. People have often told me that I’ll never regret the time spent at home with my kids–and I know they’re right. Some days are just much tougher than others. It’s been 3 months now, and I can say that I feel much more content with my decision to stay home. <3
Being a stay at home mom can be so trying but so worth it. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom when I had a child and I have had the opportunity to do that but I know it is so tough for some to have the same feelings about being a stay at home mom. I love that I get to be there to see my son grow like you said but I feel you with the days I want to pull my hair out because he is getting into everything or just throwing fits all day long. I loved this post and it resonated greatly with me. Thanks for sharing!
Reading this I thought is this me, minus one child. I’m glad you shared, there are so many moms out here feeling this. It is the best for our children, but is it the best for us. My saving grace was finding play dates where I had other moms to talk to and she has other kids to play with (and thus leave me alone for an hour. Most times)
Best of luck ! The three of you will figure it out.
things never quite go as planned, but stay honest and don’t be shy to ask for support from your loved ones.
As I always tell people, being a SAHM is not all “bonbons and soaps!” It’s day in and day out with these amazing little people with amazing little personalities who make you laugh, cry, and everything in between… but it truly can be the most amazing thing you do. Give yourself some grace, make plans to get out of the house once in a while for some adult conversation, and remember that being a SAHM is not about perfection.